“last night in bangkok”
May 7, 2008 by constantquantum
everywhere & nowhere 31
August 5
Bangkok
You’re drunk Johnny. & you drink too much because you hate yourself. You think of your life, and you hate where your at. You say you want me to tell you about yourself? Okay. …you carry too much baggage Johnny. What makes your life so hard? How can you have so many secrets to be afraid of Johnny? With your “comfortable English upbringing” and “your loving and supportive family.” You’re a fucking walking defense mechanism, Johnny, & damn if I can figure out why. “I don’t want to be with anybody” “I don’t care about anyone except maybe myself… and maybe my family.” (Who are all safely tucked away on another continent)
Don’t you see. …You said you were sick of insincerity & you didn’t want to come back with me to the hotel tonight. Well, sincerity is relative. & I am going home tomorrow. I am going home tomorrow. & you are a liar Johnny. Here you are. You are here with me. In my room. Still trying to hide, tho we are both behind the only door there is to close. Why did you come here Johnny? I didn’t ask you twice…
Then
somehow (i don’t remember how it happened)
we are naked on the floor again
my lips against his body not whispering sweet nothings:
“You-are-a-liar-Johnny, a-drunk-and-a-liar…”
“You-are-a-liar-Johnny,” i breathe against his mouth
as we roll over and over,
“You are a liar…”
eventually, yes,
much later
you will close the door softly behind you…
but only after admitting that you are a liar
while lying naked on that bed
